A Note to an Unsolicited Advice Giver
I too have been guilty of giving the gift of unsolicited advice to many cold recipients.
My dear old friend,
I understand you mean well when you share with me your advice, such as:
- I should date this person because you like them
- Why I should invest my money or time the same way as you
- Which diet I HAVE to be on
- What I NEED to be happy
- How my asthma is in my head and the cure is to release the repressed feelings that I carry within my body
- Why I shouldn’t be friends with someone that you just don’t care for
- When I tell you something is against my morals but you suggest I do it anyway
- How I need to stop doing nice things at times because I COULD be taken advantage of
You must understand that I am not upset with you in the slightest when hearing these things… (annoyed might be a better word); I am not upset that these were points of views or opinions that I did not ask for. I did not ask for your advice in this manner as I would humbly ask for your opinion if I did.
I too have been guilty of giving the gift of unsolicited advice to many cold recipients. Whom I’m sure would kindly tell me not to throw stones when I too live in a glasshouse.
When I was hurling my own stone-shaped opinions at an unwelcoming audience, it was more likely that I wanted to throw them at myself. For in the areas that my unwilling listeners were flawed from my perspective, I myself was likely doubly so.
Could it be that while giving unsolicited career advice that I was even more unhappy in mine?
A question I ponder and beg you to as well, “Would a person who loves this aspect of their life feel the need to criticize, condemn or influence someone in this particular manner that I am right now?”
Next time as you are waiting for your opportunity in our next conversation to share your uninvited wisdom, living your truth as you say or an excuse to be an asshole with a clear conscience, take a second to think to yourself for a moment, “Are you happy with this area of your life and in a position to help the receiver get what they need and want?”
Or, is this a way to redirect your own discontent, judgment, and pain that you have cast upon yourself?
We are all flawed and that is ok.
I am the most flawed person that I know.
There is a quote from the Buddha I quite enjoy that states, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
Take that to heart however you will.
Your friend,
Until next time,
Trevor Carlson
“Real travel requires a maximum of unscheduled wandering, for there is no other way of discovering surprises and marvels, which, as I see it, is the only good reason for not staying at home.”
— Alan Watts
Check out the Formula Podcast with Trevor Carlson to hear the breakdown of my experiments, experiences, and conversations on designing a fulfilling life on Stitcher, Spotify, or iTunes.
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